The Greatest Secret

Here's the thing. There is one secret that a woman guards so dearly that she sometimes won't even share it with the closest of friends for fear that they may steal the secret. We don't get many things in life that are socially acceptable to be so selfish about sharing, but this is one of them. Some women are completely open about their secret and don't care who knows it or who uses it, but for some of us, the secret is sacred and the stealing of said secret could lead to permanent damage to  friendship (confused yet? Sometimes I like to pretend I'm writing a spy novel instead of a blog so I can be as cryptic as possible).


What am I talking about? Baby names.


Now maybe you're one of those women who doesn't really care and you think, "eh, if they use a name I've chosen we'll just both have a kid named that." But I don't feel that way. It's not that I would take it as a personal shot like they did it intentionally to hurt my feelings, but I couldn't help but think, "FOILED! Now I have to start my baby name search over..." 


So here's the question: How close is too close? Obviously, if you love the name Sally Sue and your best friend uses the name Sally Sue you can't name your baby that (this leads to a deeper question of the friendship: How much does said friend really love you if she knowingly uses the baby name you have been saving? I would take a guess that she may not be a true friend, it's part of girl code). 
Okay, so best friends (and siblings) are out for sure.
Can you use the same baby name as:
A couple in your community group: no
Someone from work: yes
A relative of a close friend: depends on if you are also friends with the relative
Cousin or other non-sibling family relation: no if they live close, yes, if they are live out of town or the rest of your family doesnt really keep up with them
High school friend you were close with but hardly ever see: no
Friend who you used to be close with but now you just see their baby on facebook: yes


Now here's the irony, it doesn't matter if you are not pregnant and don't have any kids, you still lay claim to that name. I am not pregnant so you would think I have no right to reserve a name, but buddy, you are wrong to think that! I am so territorial about these names I haven't even told anyone outside of my closest friends and community group (sorry blog followers, you won't be hearing them today!). Furthermore, the biggest reason I even told my friends is mostly because I want them to know DO NOT NAME YOUR BABIES THIS! THESE ARE RESERVED FOR MY FUTURE CHILDREN! (You can't post claim a name after your friend says, "I think we're going to go with Sally Sue" or everyone will think you are lying and just now decided to like it)


So why does it matter? Well, I'm sure for everyone it's different, but for me, I don't ever want someone to ask what my baby name is and I say, "Sally Sue," and they answer with, "Oh, like John and Jane's baby, Sally Sue." WORST. My baby will not be like anyone else's baby! Not that no one else will use the same names as us (I'm going to use names that already exist, I'm not going to put a bunch of consonants together and call it a name), but I just don't want to have two Sally Sue's running in the same circle of baby friends (I grew up as one of three Sarah's in my mom's friends: no one ever knew which child was in trouble). 


Furthermore, the more unique the name is the worse it is when someone else uses it. If you are going with a traditional name or popular name you have nothing to worry about because it's pretty much guaranteed that many other people around you have that baby name (you should make your peace with this now). But for women like myself who have both a boy and girl name picked that is relatively unused currently, it is so hard to hear that someone else is using your name! Recently a friend of a friend almost named her baby the same name I have loved for a year now. She had no idea that I was planning on using it but because she runs in the same extended circle as me people will always know her baby as the original "(insert dream baby name here)." And the thing is, you can NEVER ask someone NOT to use your favorite name, it's like telling a girl she can't buy a wedding dress because it's your dream dress but you're not even engaged yet. 


*sigh* female relationships can be so complicated! One of these days I'll look back on this moment and have already secured the perfect baby names and laugh at all the young women crossing their fingers that someone doesn't snatch theirs up. Until then, here's to hoping I can throw other baby name trollers off my scent!