Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Number One Pregnancy Question...

Probably the number one question I get when people find out we've been trying to get pregnant is:
 "How do you handle your job when you can't have a baby?" 

 I have watched hundreds of girls walk through the door at my Crisis Pregnancy center who want to abort their babies, talk about how much they hate their babies, wishing their babies didn't exist. When people make the connection that my whole job is basically me counseling and catering to women who did not want to get pregnant I can tell that what they are wanting to say is, "You have a stable home and would be a great mom, yet these girls who weren't even trying and aren't responsible get a baby? How is that fair?" When I first heard someone approach this topic in a round-about way, I was totally taken off guard because I had never felt like that in the counseling room. I am so engulfed in their own story that I forget about mine.

Most people assume that I look at my clients and resent them for wasting such a precious gift. While I definitely think about all they are taking for granted, I don't feel resentment, I feel sorrow. My heart breaks for these girls who are overwhelmed by the mess of their lives and the hurt caused by the people that "love" them. They are so close to drowning they can't even fathom how they could save someone else, and the truth is I don't even blame them for being self-preservationists, because I'm sure I would go into panic mode, too.

As a matter of fact, I feel sorry for them. I know, I know, this seems so ironic. They are getting the one thing I want more than almost anything in life, the one gift I have been praying to receive for so many months now. But the truth is, it's hard to want to receive the gift of a baby in their circumstances. It doesn't feel like a blessing when you know that you are pregnant because you were raped, or that it will get you beaten up by your mother, or that it will make your boyfriend, who is the only male support in your life, leave you for another woman. It doesn't feel like a blessing when you get kicked out of your house at 15 for the baby growing in your stomach, or when no one in your school talks to you but only talks about you, or when you have been on so many substances you are sure that you have messed up that child forever from your choices. And it definitely doesn't feel like a blessing when every self-righteous religious person in the world looks down on you just because you have to wear your sin on the outside while their hidden sin is eating away at their souls. 

So this is my job, to show these women...
-That no matter their decision, they are loved. 
-That God has a plan for good and not for harm. 
-That it may not seem true this very instance, but that little heart beat is the rhythm of hope and a future; the rhythm of a fresh start and a reason to succeed.
-And finally, that if they decide to stop that heart from beating, that they can seek healing through Jesus Christ.

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