The First Two Weeks

We have officially made it through the first couple of weeks as a family of four! Garland was home the first week and my mom came to visit the second week, and it was SO nice to have help! Around the 7 day mark I noticed my Postpartum Depression (PPD) symptoms returning (heart racing when I tried to sleep, loss of appetite, uncontrollable crying, inability to make decisions....) which was really disappointing. I knew it was a possibility (women who've had PPD previously have a 50% chance of getting it again as compared to 15% of all women) but I really thought because I knew what to do with a newborn it wouldn't happen this time. Unfortunately, because it is a chemical reaction in your brain, no amount of preparedness can keep your body from responding the way it wants to. It really is the strangest experience (you can read my blog entries on how it effected me with Titus here, here and here). The first few days I was euphoric about having Haddie, then a couple of days of sporadic crying fits, then uncontrollable crying most of the day. I knew I wasn't worried about her and that things would be fine, but I couldn't make my brain believe me. I would have thoughts like, "We weren't ready for another baby, this was a terrible idea!" But all the while I would know that was irrational and didn't really feel that way. Luckily because I knew the signs and symptoms it was easier to rationalize with myself and not let the feelings take over. I just had to remind myself over and over that these were not my true thoughts and they would soon go away.

Since we caught it so much earlier this time (I didn't realize I had it with Titus until 5/6 weeks) it's been easier to manage and control. My biggest anxiety trigger had been the thought of being alone with both kids, but after talking to my doctor and starting back on my PPD medicine, I didn't feel anxious at all about being home alone for the first time today. Praise God for that!

So that's the update on momma, here is a quick review of the first two weeks of Haddie's life and what I've learned about our baby girl so far:

-You came home in premie diapers (you were 6lb even when we left the hospital) and newborn clothes swallowed you. You're now in NB diapers and are up to 7.5lbs so your NB clothes look more your size.

-You typically go 3-4 hours between feedings just like your brother did, but unlike with him, I don't panic about you not waking up to eat or not gaining weight :) You also eat quicker (about 20 minutes, he did 45) and more aggressively.

-You already do a 5-6 hour stretch at night which I know is saving my sanity during the day (brother did this too, but not quite this early).

-You sleep swaddled at night time and sleep in the rock n play. Your newborn sleeping noises kept me awake so we moved you to the nursery a little after a week, now we're both sleeping much better!

-You sleep unswaddled during the day and really like sleeping in the swing, but propped up on your side. You've also napped in your crib (on your side) and in the rock n play, and of course on mommy's chest :)

-The only thing that's been difficult about you so far is that you do not fall asleep on your own (Titus used to just doze off in the swing or rock n play). You don't want to miss anything going on around you, so it's not unheard of for you to stay awake for 2 hours unless we intentionally help you fall asleep (pacifier and swaying/patting). You don't even usually cry when you're awake that long, you just hang out and look around! But it is much more difficult to coax you to sleep once you are overtired.

-If I put you flat on your back after a feeding you spit everything up and get awful hiccups. Hoping you don't end up with reflux like your brother! You did have some gas issues but now you get gas drops before each feeding and that seemed to help for the most part. But you don't mind diaper changes, not even in the middle of the night!

-You don't love your car seat and it doesn't put you to sleep, but you just sit in it content and look around.

-You love your paci which is a new experience for us since Titus didn't take one! You use it to fall asleep for naps a lot of times, but spit it out when you sleep (which is great since I don't have to put it back in when it falls out!).

Overall, you have been an incredibly easy baby! Which is a Godsend since transitioning from one kid to two has been challenging. We are so thankful for you and your full head of red hair! I can't wait to see you smile for the first time and listen to what your baby noises will sound like. Fingers crossed you stay laid back and make things easy for momma. We love you to the moon and back, sweet girl!

 Titus came to visit and didn't care about the baby at all. He just wanted to sit with mommy and watch "Joge" (Curious George). I loved his sweet cuddles!

 He likes to give her high fives and point out her hands, feet, hair, etc...

 Birthday trampoline!