Thoughts on 30: Who Was that Woman in the Pictures?

Eight years ago I was in full-on wedding preparation mode. With just a couple weeks left until our wedding, I got my first professional makeover. I walked out of Sephora with products I absolutely loved, new techniques I’d never heard of, and a lot less money in my bank account. As years went by, I finished grad school, started a new job, then eventually had two babies and became a stay at home mom. With so much going on, makeup (and hair and clothes) became a much lower priority and I stopped putting much thought into what I was buying and instead just grabbed whatever was quickest and cheapest. 

But then a weird thing started to happen. When I saw photos of myself, I would have this moment of surprise and disorientation almost every time because the image didn’t look like how I felt. Anyone ever had this moment? At the time, my kids were 3 and 1 and I hadn't taken much time for myself since starting our family. And the thing was, it wasn't that I was having a pity party over the way I looked. It was just that I would look at the photo of that moment, and I would remember exactly how I felt and what I was saying and doing, and those feelings were never frumpy or lost or forgotten like the way I often felt I looked. Inside I felt young and bright eyed and like my life was full of wonderful surprises and joys, and it was bizarre to feel like I didn't seen that in myself in a still shot.

So I decided to make a change. And hear me say this: I truly believe your physical body is not what defines you. Even at my most out of shape or least trendy, I was always witty and smart and kind and no amount of exterior change could take that away from me. But I also decided there was nothing wrong with enjoying the fun things that come along with being a girl. I was confident in who I was because I was confident in who made me, but now I was ready to look in the mirror and see the girl I felt like I was inside, the girl who had been lost while focusing on everyone else but herself.

So I got more serious about having a healthier diet and regular exercise. I went and got a new haircut and started researching makeup. I had no idea what contouring was or a beauty blender sponge or even what shade I should pick in anything. And it bears repeating, the hair and makeup were not what made me me, but I was having SO much fun learning and playing around with the options and doing something that was just for me.

I went back to the basics, and in this case, that meant a lot of Google research and Youtube videos (which is so fun, but you will get sucked in for DAYS watching those makeup tutorials). I wrote all about the products that were a part of my beauty evolution here, you can read it to see all the ones I love the very most. But most importantly, I realized this journey was only a little about the products and a lot about taking the time to invest in myself and the things I enjoyed. My makeup looks better now, but more importantly, when I see pictures of myself I see the joy and energy that I am experiencing at the time. The photos feel like me, like how I see myself.

So take heart, my friends! It's never too late to start over and it's never selfish to spend a little time on yourself.

-->

A Season for Everything

Do you ever feel like you just have so much on your plate you don't even know where to begin? As a mom of toddlers, I feel like I'm constantly forgetting things and dropping the ball. But every parent who's a life stage ahead of me says you shouldn't expect for it to slow down; kids grow bigger and they get busier. The big picture can be overwhelming, I don't even always know what to tackle first on my to-do list. The questions start swarming in my head and I feel like I need 50 hours in a day instead of 24. 

Am I teaching my kids good character?  Do I participate enough in my husband's ministry job? Should I play a more active role in our church? Am I exercising enough? Am I eating healthy enough? Will God allow us to have another baby? If we can even get pregnant, how tight will our budget be with three kids while I'm staying home? Should I go back to work? Should we sign the kids up for sports already? Should I lead a small group? Am I teaching my kids about volunteering and serving others? Should I continue pursuing a career in graphic design after the kids are in school? Or do something with more of a steady income? When will I have time to finish all these house projects? Am I modeling how deal with hard things to my kids? What am I doing with the specific gifts God has given me? What are we going to do about the broken dishwasher? Should I be discipling more young women? How are we going to pay this bill? Am I meeting my husband's needs? Have I even seen him much this week or have things been too crazy? What even are my needs right now? When will I have time to do all this laundry and clean the house? HOW WILL I FIND TIME FOR ALL THESE THINGS??

Spinning, spinning, spinning.

So many questions, so many directions. And then it hits me, I'll never be able to solve all those questions and problems in a given week/month/year. But here's a question I can focus on:

What is my God-given purpose in THIS season? 

For each of us, this is different. For all of us, it's important. 

Some of you may have read that and known IMMEDIATELY what your God-given purpose is in this season. Some of you may have had a lightbulb moment that this is exactly why you feel so lost, you're unsure of what task you should be focusing on. Both of those are ok. Now is when you allow yourself time to think it over.

For me, once I posed the question and cleared out the clutter in my mind, it was pretty clear. I feel very peaceful about being home with my kids, that is a very specific role and list of duties that I can nail down. For this season, I need to focus on helping Titus learn to express his emotions in a healthy way and how to problem solve instead of exploding. He's having way fewer of his out-of-control tantrums, and I really believe that is happening because I've been home with him and his life is consistent. This is my purpose.

God gave me that little boy and knew I would make a great mommy for him, that I could handle the outbursts and love him through it; that I could calm him down and bring him comfort like no one else. This is my purpose. 

That when he wants to start screaming because he's unable to put into words how he feels, he needs me to look him in the eyes and explain things to him in an adult manner that most people don't use for kids, because he's unique and it works for him. This is my purpose. 

To tie shoes and brush hair and cut up apples because sometimes, you're too small to do things on your own. This is my purpose. 

To sit down with my kids and tickle them and teach them that joy can trump all other emotions if you let it. This is my purpose. 

To empower my little girl to be more than pretty by showering her with compliments about how she's smart and funny and silly and sweet and brave. This is my purpose. 

To teach them that sometimes, life isn't all about you. They don't know how much I serve them now, but one day they will look back and realize the sacrifices I have made (just like I did with my mom) and that sometimes loving someone means putting their needs first. This is my purpose. 

That's mine. Yours is yours. None is better, none is worse. There are so many things I could be doing or focusing on. But when you try to juggle them all, no one person or thing gets your full ability. I feel so much clearer when I let the other things fall away and lean into my purpose in this stage.

There will come a time for all the rest, because there is a season for everything. A season for laughter and dancing, a season for mourning and tears. A season for hard work and a season for respite. A season for speaking many words and a season for speaking few while we hear others instead. A season for health and a season where your body doesn't act or look how you want. A season for serving others and a season for recognizing your own needs. A season for your anger and a season for offering forgiveness. A season for pushing through trials and a season for relishing the good days. A season of recognition and a season of humble selflessness. A season for independence and a season for vulnerability. A season to celebrate new life and a season to let go in death. A season to cry out in anguish and a season to cry out in praise.

But not all of those have to be accomplished all at once.

For me, this is a season of service, sacrifice, and nurturing. Realizing my God-given purpose for this season doesn't make all of those other questions magically disappear. And it definitely doesn't mean there won't be a season in the future where my God-given purpose is directed at one of them. But it does make me feel washed over in grace to know I can focus on the task at hand and set a more realistic bar for what is expected of me.

Mae

I have a wonderful husband who really is perfect for me. We have so much in common and our opinions on most topics from religion to politics to parenting are almost identical. Sometimes it feels like we're in a secret club with only two members. But that's not the only reason I love Garland, he has proven time and time again that I am lucky to call him my beloved. A few examples...

• He never wants me to have to drive alone. Even if he's at work in Rogers and we have plans in Bentonville he'll drive all the way home just to drive the 30 minutes back to Bentonville so we can ride together.
• He never comments on the state of the house even when I haven't had a chance to pick of from the whirlwind that is two dogs and a baby. He's a very neat person and yet he trusts that I will get everything done when I have time. I love that.
• He frequently empties the dishwasher and washes bottles by hand because he knows I hate those chores the most. 
• He always washes the dogs. I could do it, but he knows its much easier for him to control them so he just does it without complaining.
• He has never once seemed put out to change a diaper. Even when he knows its a bad one he just picks Titus up and I hear Garland talking to him on the changing table.
• When Titus and I have had a long day and I pass him off to Garland after work he gladly takes him. Never mind that he's just had a long day at the office, too, he jumps right into his role as husband/father as soon as he walks through the door.
• Words of affirmation are not his love language strong suit and it is not in the forefront of his brain to keep in touch throughout the day. However, because he knows it's important to me, hardly a day goes by where I don't receive a text message or a note on my mirror that says something sweet.
• He always goes to bed with me at night, no matter what. I know every couple is different, but it's always been our thing to climb in bed together no matter how early or late. Even on days when I'm thoroughly exhausted and want to fall asleep early, he's right there beside me, arm under my pillow and "I love you" whispered under his breath.

You may or may not know that Garland majored in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing in college. He wrote a book of poetry for his Honors Thesis on the Buffalo River area and I used to tease him that he hadn't written anything for me. Then for my birthday one year he surprised me with the sweetest present of all, a poem about me. If poetry is not your strong suite (as it is not mine) then I will tell you ahead of time that he wrote it about my eyes (this will make it a little less confusing). 

*sigh* Talk about making a girl go weak in her knees!

P.S. It is titled "Mae" because my middle name is Elizabeth and he calls me Ellie Mae as a nickname.

Mae

Garland Autry

I dare not speak of thee

For ‘twould be impossible to say.

(Though vain and ambitious words do attempt)

Come forth! Come forth! Slight, soft spray,

Against vast seas of white;

The most perfect of colors

Mingled together in one array.

And me, thine willing prey

Forever caught here in thy gaze.

Oh thy Father of mercies,

Woulds’t thou permit me to stay?

Alas, to thee I dare not speak

Unless of course to say,

“I am yours, I am yours.

And will be until the gray

O’’ertakes these foolish thoughts,

And still and waiting for thee I lay.””

Thankful for the Bad Stuff?

What a weird concept, being thankful for bad things happening. I had a great reminder of why we need to do this in my (extremely well timed) devotional this morning.

"Thank me for the very things that are troubling you. You are on the brink of rebellion, precariously close to shaking your fist in My Face. You are tempted to indulge in just a little complaining about my treatment of you. But once you step over that line, torrents of rage and self-pity can sweep you away. The best protection against this indulgence is thanksgiving. It is impossible to thank Me and curse Me at the same time.
Thanking Me for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first. But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart. Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows all your problems."

This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Ever since I had Titus there are moments where I find myself wallowing in self-pity over various things. Today was about to be one of those days until I read this! So as difficult as it might be, I am going to be thankful for the good AND the bad.

• I am thankful for my son. I am thankful that he is healthy and at home when many babies are in the hospital or even gone to be with you.
• I am thankful that you have made his reflux better, even if he still has trouble from time to time.
• I am thankful that he is a good sleeper at night. 
• I am thankful that he is asleep right now in his nursery for a nap for the first time in a very long time! Even if this doesn't continue to happen always, I am thankful that you have let it happen sometimes. I am thankful that you are giving my sweet baby peace right now and that he is resting in your arms when he can't rest in mine.
• I am thankful for each smile and giggle that you bless me with. I understand now why Jesus always wanted to be with the little children when he was on earth; I truly feel the joy of the Lord when my chubby little boy smiles up at me.
• I am thankful for a husband that provides even when that job requires him to have a pretty hectic schedule. I am thankful that you gave Titus a daddy that WANTS to be a daddy and enjoys spending time with him.
• I am thankful that you have given me the opportunity to stay home and start a ministry with my son. A lot of times I miss my job and wish that I were still working, but I know that the fruit of my new ministry will be fulfilling and I praise you for that.
• I am thankful for lots of love and support from family and friends as transitioned to this new season of life. Sometimes all it takes is a little reassurance from people who have already been through it to know I will make it through, too.
• I am thankful for your promise to never leave me. Even on the days where I hardly get any sleep or Titus is fussy or Garland is gone and I'm missing him, you are always right there with me. You love me indefinitely and you have given me many more blessings than I deserve.

⁴  Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. ⁶  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:4-6

A Respectful Wife

Lately I have been listening to Pastor Mark Driscoll's Real Marriage series and finding it very convicting. Driscoll is notorious for being extremely straight forward and not tiptoeing around topics that deal with hard biblical truths (I happen to really like this about him). There is one podcast in particular, The Respectful Wife, that was delivered by Driscoll but mostly written by his wife Grace, and it has left me really convicted lately.


I think that sometimes I have been mistaking respecting Garland as a person with respecting him as my husband. I really, truly look up to my husband as a man; I think he strives to be more like Christ in everything he does, is always willing to pour into other believers and students, he is constantly studying and growing in the word and his personal walk, and he's one of the most steadfast, faithful Christians I've ever met. But I'm coming to the realization that I can 100% respect him as a man without always respecting him as my spouse, which is not an easy truth to swallow.


So what's the difference? Here are some questions from Grace to give us a better idea of how you can tell if you are being a respectful wife:

• Do I "notice, regard, honor, prefer, defer to, encourage, love, and admire" my husband?
• Do I have a heart of respect for my husband?
• Do I think he's competent?
• Do I think positive thoughts about him instead of focusing on his flaws?
• What do I say about my husband?
• Do I tear him down in front of other people?
• Do I wait to disagree with him until a time when I can do so respectfully and privately?

Some of these things I do pretty well on. Rarely do I dwell on Garland's mistakes in my heart; within my mind he is really is the best guy that has ever existed. I definitely defer to him for judgement on family matters and respect his final opinion. I know that he loves and respects me enough that no decision will ever be made that I'm uncomfortable with or without speaking to me about it first. I love, admire, and encourage Garland, sometimes to the point of embarrassing him because he hates receiving compliments (ha!).

But there are some things that I know I am definitely not so great at. I know that because we flirt by teasing each other it sometimes seems like I think everything he does is silly. Don't get me wrong, he does do a lot of ridiculous things, but if I'm not balancing out our joking with public encouragement then it just comes across as mockery. I never want anyone to think I find my husband incompetent because I truly do think he is one of the wisest men I know.

I am also not great at holding my tongue in front of other people. If a topic comes up that is a "button pusher" and brings up anger or resentment or frustration in me, I really struggle to table my thoughts and comments until I can talk to him in private. Especially since I love a good debate, this is very difficult for me. What starts as an innocent discussion can quickly morph into a heated argument without me even stopping to think if this presents Garland and I as a team or not. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT saying that wives should never disagree or lovingly joke with their husbands. I'm just saying I know that the way I communicate that sometimes can be hateful instead of playful.

I confessed all of this to Garland after listening to the podcast and asked him to help me be accountable for being a respectful wife, even in front of others. Unfortunately, he's had to lovingly remind me a couple of times (always in public, of course, that is my respect weakness), and I had to bite my tongue. And even as I sat there feeling convicted/embarrassed of my poor behavior, I could still hear my flesh telling me, "Be upset! You have the right to say whatever you want, whenever you want! Don't let him stop you from "being yourself." ' Ugh, that is some sick-nasty selfishness, pure and simple.

So if you are like me and struggle with being a respectful wife, here are some great tips from Grace Driscoll on how to grow in this area:

1. Talk to your husband about what it looks like to be respectful and ask him to honestly assess your ability to respect him. Ask him to lovingly hold you accountable.
2. Pray for your husband constantly. If there is disrespect in your head there will be disrespect in your heart which will come out in your speech. If your thoughts are constantly prayerful toward him then they won't be able to reach the ugly place.
3. Keep a journal of all the things you notice and love about your husband. As you write them down, pray and thank the Lord for giving you your husband. 
4. Share some of these things you love about your husband with him as an easy way to encourage him. --Garland and I do this by writing notes on each other's bathroom mirrors with a dry erase marker (sticky notes work well too!)
5. Build him up in front of others. No matter what, people should always recognize you as your husband's #1 fan and see you as a joint team, as one.
6. Instead of continuously nagging him about fixing a bad habit or something he needs to work on, pray that God will change his heart. Your complaining can't even begin to compete with the wrath of the Holy Spirit on a believer's conscience. 

Ephesians 5:33- "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

Babymoon

Babymoon: a trip you take before you have a baby (duh).
We were planning to go back to our favorite all-inclusive resort in Cancun next May, but since baby Autry will arrive the month before we scratched that plan. Instead, we decided to take a trip this fall (while I can still travel) to a place we've talked about visiting for a long time... Boston! Turns out the Fosters wanted to visit the New England coast as well, so we combined our trips and went to Boston and then Kennebunkport, Maine, where we relaxed in the beautiful little seaside town for a couple days. Needless to say, my inability to participate in the pub activities and my absolute hatred for seafood was a slight damper for a trip to the Northeast, but I had a fabulous time nonetheless. Here are a few of my favorite memories!

Day 1, we went to this unbelievably beautiful park while on our way to the shopping district (helloooooo, H&M)

 

Day 2: We walked the Freedom Trail which took us to all the historic building and locations in downtown Boston. We started at the Old State House which was really beautiful. Right behind this building is where the Boston Massacre took place.

 

We went to the Old North Church (where the famous "One if by land, two if by sea" signal was sent) and it was beautiful! Each family had their own private pew box. Garland and I took a moment to soak it all in, of course.

 And Simon and Adriane decided to give the hymnal a once over

 Beautiful downtown skyline!

Garland was SO EXCITED to go to Fenway Park where the Boston Red Sox play. It was cold and cloudy and rainy, but what can I say, I like to make my man happy, so I went along :) 

Once we got to Maine, Adriane got straight to business! The seafood portion of the trip was lost on me as I absolutely hate seafood. Everyone else enjoyed it though! (I got chicken fingers...) 

It started to rain so I had to pull out my umbrella, but the pics actually turned out pretty cute with it in them! 

 Harbor in Ogunquit

Our B&B in Kennebunkport, Maine: The Maine Stay. This place was really incredible! The owners booked all our reservations and had an incredible breakfast in the morning. 

This is George Bush Sr.'s house in Kennebunkport! He was actually born and raised there and now has this home for his retirement. He and Barbara spend their summers there and they were in town while we were there! Too bad we didn't have a sighting :(

On the beach in Kennebunkport 

 Onto sunnier skies! By the time we were driving back to Boston the rain had cleared out and we took a beautiful hike up the beach in Ogunquit.

Last but not least, we had to stop and soak up some brain power at the Harvard campus. It really, truly is a beautiful campus and the neighborhood it is in, Cambridge, is a great place to hang out and eat!

The End!

30 Day Encouragement Challenge

I recently read a post about a 30-Day Challenge for wives to encourage their husbands. It didn't really sound like there was much to it so I hadn't thought much about it. However, once I dug in a little deeper I realized that a) this is something I would like to do more and b) this is definitely something I can improve on. I am a words of affirmation kind of girl, so encouraging people through words is something I like. Since Garland doesn't really excel at words of affirmation (he tries, he really does, it just never crosses his mind that he should say sweet things), I think this could also help him to grow in this love language just by seeing how I do it.


So here's how it works: For 30 days:
-You can't say anything negative about your husband...to your husband... or to anyone else about your husband.
-Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband...to your husband...and to someone else, about your husband.


I hate to admit this but my first thought was, "Do I have 30 days worth of original compliments to give Garland?" Sad maybe, but true. However, if you go to this link (Revive Our Hearts), you can find a PDF document which gives you scripture and ideas for encouragement for each day. There were things I had thought of (thanking him for being a handy man, leading our marriage, etc.) and things I hadn't thought of (thanking him for being wise fiscally, turning from the temptation of lust, his specific spiritual strengths). 


Garland and I are also a very sarcastic and silly couple. We love to tease each other, it's one of the main ways we flirt with each other (hehe). However, I can totally see how sometimes to the outside world this could be taken as us not building each other up, so for 30 days I'm going to try and not make fun of my sweet husband at all! This may be very (VERY) difficult as he provides some great material (just sayin).


Last but not least, I love that they include in the challenge that you may fail a day or two! It makes my heart happy that grace is prevalent even in something like this. So if I slip up, it's okay! I can start again the next day and hope to do better.

Remember When...

Garland and I have been together for about 4 1/2 years now and earlier today I saw this picture come up on my Facebook and couldn't believe how young we looked! These pictures were taken the summer we started dating (2007) when we were 20 and 22 years old respectively. I look at these two kids and can’t believe how much has happened since then. Not that I view myself as a wise adult now, but looking back I know that I was so naïve about almost everything.

P.S. Check out how lovey dovey Garland Autry used to be! Ahhh to go back to the days when he was trying to win my affection… J

(To answer your question, yes, I am embarrassed that we were in this prom pose. I don’t know what happened)

Now here we are, almost five years later, and I feel more at home in his arms every day. We have been through our share of trials and I know there are more to come, but with these also comes the joy of knowing you will always have at least one person by your side.

-Sarah

Is Anyone Waiting 'til Marriage?

Statistically, not really.


Although, 61% Of American teens say that they want to wait to have sex until marriage, only 11% of Americans will have one partner in their lifetime and only 4% will wait until marriage to have sex with that partner. More Americans have sex BEFORE age 15 (16%) than wait until AFTER age 21 (15%).


So what changes their minds? Well this could be part of it:
--One third (33%) of sexually actives teens 15-17 reported "being in a relationship where they felt things were moving too fast sexually" and 24% had "done something sexual they didn't really want to do." 
--More than 1 in 5 (21%) reported giving in to pressure to have oral sex in order to avoid having intercourse with their partner. 
--1/4 of high school students had drank alcohol or used drugs before their last sexual intercourse (51% admitted they tended to "do more sexually" when they were under the influence).
--60% of teen girls had their first sexual experience with a guy at least 1-3 years older.
--Overall, 1/3 of teens 15-17 reported feeling pressured into having sex, not to mention the 10% who report having been physically forced to have sexual intercourse when they did not want to at some point.


All of these numbers lead me to one thing, our sweet junior high and high school kids are under a lot of pressure to have sex. It is our role as parents/church staff/disciplers to be aware of these numbers and tell them it's okay to feel that pressure, that doesn't make you a bad person! But it also doesn't mean that you have to give in. Ask anyone who waited, it will be worth it in the end.

Domestic Adoption

It seems like international adoption has become somewhat of a status symbol among the non-profit and Christian world, along with Toms Shoes and mission trips. But what a lot of people are forgetting is that there is a real need for adoption even in our own country, and while it might not be as "cool" as international adoption, it's just as necessary. Not only is it necessary, but it is quietly happening all across the country while the international baby campaign sits center stage. I in no way intend to demean or diminish international adoption, children from countries other than the US desperately need a home and a heart to love them. I simply aim to shine a little light on our very own orphans living within our 50 state.

• 581,000 children are in foster care in the United States. 22% percent of these children -- about 127,000 kids -- are available for adoption.
• 135,000 children are adopted annually; only 12,753 of those are international children. 13,000-14,000 are babies given up voluntarily by their parents within the US.
• 26% of these US adoptions are international while 74% are domestic.
• Overall, parents placing their infants up for adoption are made up of only 1/4 teenagers, contrary to the popular misconception that it's mostly teen moms participating in the adoption process. As a matter of fact, the predominant subset of woman giving their children up for adoption are in their 20s, have a high school diploma, and probably have other children they is raising.
• 90% or more of current adoptive parents have met the birth mother per her request. Almost no woman choosing adoption today seeks anonymity or refusal to contact.
• A very small minority of infant adoptions involve fathers in the process. Most women who are looking to give their baby up for adoption are single parents who either have no contact with the father or the father has made it clear he will not be involved in the baby's life.
• Most women struggle to make the decision about what to do with an unplanned pregnancy and much of this is due to misinformation about adoption as an option.
• Women who feel pressured into placing their children up for adoption suffer from poorer grief resolution and greater negative feelings.

Garland Does a Jig...

Garland got pretty crazy at Brittany and Will's wedding with Hartness and Sisson. It was definitely memorable!

best.

Weddings, weddings, weddings...

This spring was wedding central in my world! Three of my dearest friends gave me the honor to stand beside them while they married their best friends. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Love y'all!

Abbey Allenbaugh and David Ray: March 2010

Little Rock, AR

Photo credit: Liz Chrisman

Amber Obert and Anthony Jones: April 2010

Lamar, MO

Brittany Power and Will Schimpf: May 2010

Fayetteville, AR

Note: All cool photos seen below are courtesy of KYM RODDA PHOTOGRAPHY. aaaaamazing!