Thoughts on 30: Who Was that Woman in the Pictures?

Eight years ago I was in full-on wedding preparation mode. With just a couple weeks left until our wedding, I got my first professional makeover. I walked out of Sephora with products I absolutely loved, new techniques I’d never heard of, and a lot less money in my bank account. As years went by, I finished grad school, started a new job, then eventually had two babies and became a stay at home mom. With so much going on, makeup (and hair and clothes) became a much lower priority and I stopped putting much thought into what I was buying and instead just grabbed whatever was quickest and cheapest. 

But then a weird thing started to happen. When I saw photos of myself, I would have this moment of surprise and disorientation almost every time because the image didn’t look like how I felt. Anyone ever had this moment? At the time, my kids were 3 and 1 and I hadn't taken much time for myself since starting our family. And the thing was, it wasn't that I was having a pity party over the way I looked. It was just that I would look at the photo of that moment, and I would remember exactly how I felt and what I was saying and doing, and those feelings were never frumpy or lost or forgotten like the way I often felt I looked. Inside I felt young and bright eyed and like my life was full of wonderful surprises and joys, and it was bizarre to feel like I didn't seen that in myself in a still shot.

So I decided to make a change. And hear me say this: I truly believe your physical body is not what defines you. Even at my most out of shape or least trendy, I was always witty and smart and kind and no amount of exterior change could take that away from me. But I also decided there was nothing wrong with enjoying the fun things that come along with being a girl. I was confident in who I was because I was confident in who made me, but now I was ready to look in the mirror and see the girl I felt like I was inside, the girl who had been lost while focusing on everyone else but herself.

So I got more serious about having a healthier diet and regular exercise. I went and got a new haircut and started researching makeup. I had no idea what contouring was or a beauty blender sponge or even what shade I should pick in anything. And it bears repeating, the hair and makeup were not what made me me, but I was having SO much fun learning and playing around with the options and doing something that was just for me.

I went back to the basics, and in this case, that meant a lot of Google research and Youtube videos (which is so fun, but you will get sucked in for DAYS watching those makeup tutorials). I wrote all about the products that were a part of my beauty evolution here, you can read it to see all the ones I love the very most. But most importantly, I realized this journey was only a little about the products and a lot about taking the time to invest in myself and the things I enjoyed. My makeup looks better now, but more importantly, when I see pictures of myself I see the joy and energy that I am experiencing at the time. The photos feel like me, like how I see myself.

So take heart, my friends! It's never too late to start over and it's never selfish to spend a little time on yourself.

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Evening Sickness

Well, to be truthful, it started as all day sickness. At about 5 weeks exactly I started feeling just a little nauseous from time to time. Then around 6 weeks it became an all day every day occurrence. I tried everything, eating crackers, constantly snacking, drinking sprite, eating non-greasy foods, but nothing was making me feel better.


UNTIL! My friend Adriane told me about an anti-nausea combination that her sister had used with great success. They call it the Unisom/B6 cocktail and it is incredible! Unisom is a pregnancy safe sleep aid (I double checked this with my doctor just to be sure) but it was originally created as an anti-nausea medicine (it makes you so sleepy they sell it as a sleep aid instead). I only take half of a Unisom at night because otherwise I'm a zombie all day, but even half a pill makes me feel tons better!


Which brings me to my evening sickness... I don't know if I really am only getting nauseous in the evenings or if that's just when my Unisom is wearing off (I presume the latter), but typically I feel fine all day until about 6-7pm. Then no matter what I eat or what I do I will feel sick until I go to bed. 


The good news/bad news is: Around 9 1/2 weeks my morning sickness started to subside a little (moved more into sometimes nausea and coupled with B6/Unisom doesn't bother me most days) BUT was replaced by daily headaches! UGH this was BY FAR the worst symptom so far. At least when I was nauseous I could still kind of participate in things, but when I have one of my headaches I can't talk to anyone, watch tv, have any lights on, go anywhere, etc. Luckily, at almost 13 weeks the headaches have started to subside as well.


But here's the thing, I really don't mind. I know that sounds crazy, but after trying for so long to have a baby I'm just happy to be having symptoms! Being nauseous has started to feel like second nature, like I have a disorder that just affects my eating. So I'm counting down the days until my second trimester and hoping I get my energy and appetite back by then!

Theory: "Lingering Self-Esteem"

Does anybody else ever feel like their body looks like it did in high school/college but when you look at it you think, "Who's body is this and where did it come from? It most definitely does not belong to me!"
I in no way want to give the wrong impression that I want or expect to look like I did in high school. Back then I was working out year round for sports about 2+ hours a day, which totally blows my mind now (apparently I had nothing else going on; how does someone have that much time to work out?!).


Anyway, back to my original thought, I have been working on this theory I call "Lingering Self-Esteem." 
Definition: an individual (such as myself) has a falsely positive image of their own body causing them to think they look better than they actually do. 
Example: I put on a swimsuit and feel normal then look at the mirror and am sure that someone is pulling a prank on me and has switched my regular mirror for a fun house mirror.
Example: In high school, a girl friend complained to me about her thighs rubbing together when she walked and I remember thinking, "Hmmm... my thighs don't do that, must just be her." Now I am Thigh Rubber.
Example: When I go home I still find myself looking at my younger sister's wardrobe to see what I could borrow like I did 7 years ago. Now the only thing I can borrow from her is a pair of socks (granted, she is all of about 5 ft and 100 lbs, if that).
Example: I always pick up items on the rack that are about a size too small because they look like they would fit me, then later decide that the sizes in that store just run small (that's a legitimate excuse, right?).
Example: I don't usually notice my upper arms, but the question is when did they start moving at their own pace when I do things like wash the windows or wave?
Example: My stomach feels flat, but when I look sideways in the mirror after a big meal I can't help but think, yikes! am I secretly like 3 months pregnant? Where did that food baby come from?! I thought my stomach was tight enough to hold that in... (This brings us to my next theory, called "Learn to Suck it In").


Now before you go giving me the lecture about how I should love my body and everyone is made different (yada yada yada) you need to understand that I totally get that! I am (most days) satisfied with the body I have as long as I am consistently eating healthy (but not cutting out tasty) and working out. I know that I have curves that come from my sweet Grandmas and they will always and forever be there. And I know that my husband finds me beautiful in every way and never notices any of the negative things I do (Praise the Maker for unobservant men!). And I definitely, definitely don't want to give teenage girls the impression that putting on a little weight when you grow up is a bad thing. It's natural and I wouldn't go back to my A cup for nothin, not even losing the extra pounds!


But sometimes a little self-deprecating humor can take a poor attitude about my body and turn it into a giggle. And for me, writing this blog is totally worth laughing at myself to stay out of the body-hate mentality that our society pushes on everyone. I can notice that my body is different than it used to be (and that there's more of it) without having to spiral into a depression and stop eating.


So here's to all you women out there who can't fit in your high school cheerleading uniform/prom dress/favorite jeans and are happy (or at least content) with being a little curvier! 
Hurrah for being at home in your adult skin.
And for all you skinny minny's that don't know what I'm talking about, go grab a donut and find another blog to read (kidding!).


Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well."

Quick Entry...

I don't have much time today so I'm just gonna give you the highlights of wrapping up the diet!

Here is what I have learned from the past 17 days:

---I cannot sustain this diet for 2 reasons:

1) It is too expensive to buy only fresh produce right now and nothing else.

2) I genuinely LOVE food. I didn't realize this before but it's not just being addicted to junk food, I actually enjoy tasting the different cuisines and flavors like a hobby.

---I have grown a "food conscience" that kicks in anytime I could be eating healthier but I'm thinking about not. For instance, it is not even a question that I will eat wheat bread instead of white, skim milk instead of 2%, and low fat or fat free everything where it's an option (rolls, dressing, cheese, yogurt, etc.).

---I had ice cream for the first time in 3 weeks yesterday and it tasted like absolute HEAVEN. I really do enjoy the feeling of ice cream as a special treat instead of an every week dessert.

---I still desperately miss coke, but I am trying to only drink it on the weekends if we go out to eat.

---My weight is about the same but I do feel healthier and better about myself knowing I'm putting (mostly) only the good stuff in my body!

And so it continues...

Yay! I've made it to Day 4, which according to the book (The 17 Day Diet) is when the cravings for fatty/greasy food start to lessen just a smidge. I have definitely been craving the "good stuff" so I'm hopeful that Day 4 is when that will stop nagging me!


Easy parts so far:

Drinking water instead of coke. For someone who went from having at least one coke a day to absolutely none, it was surprisingly easy! I haven't even really thought about it at all (which is probably because I spend most of my time drooling over pizza/burger/fries/cheese dip).
Finding a variety of things to eat. I havent really eaten the same meal or snack twice. There are tons of great recipes out there for this diet which I just found by googling it.
Yogurt really can be a delicious substitute for a dessert. Say what?! I thought this would be one of the hardest parts for me, switching from my delicious chocolate and ice cream cravings to (ugh) fat free yogurt. BUT so far I've branched out from my usual strawberry and I'm eating Boston Cream Pie, Triple Berry Torte, Strawberry Cheesecake, Key Lime Pie, Citrus Splash, and many other FAT FREE delicious flavors! They are just heavy enough to fill my need to be "full."
I'm more adventurous with herbs and spices. Normally, I am a follow-the-recipe-EXACTLY kind of gal because I haven't ever been confident in guesstimating the amount I need. However, since starting this diet I find myself throwing stuff together in a pan to get a new taste since I'm so concentrated on the same rotation of foods. Definitely expanding my cooking bravery!


Hard parts so far:
I really, really love my "go to" foods. I don't think I realized just how much I enjoyed foods and different flavors and sauces until I couldn't have them any more. I had to sit at cell group last night and eat a bag of carrots while my girls chowed down on delicious pizza! While I think I can make it on this diet for a couple of weeks, I could never do this for a lifetime.
Buying food for this diet is EXPENSIVE. Two things are colliding here to make this so: 1) I literally never leave the fresh produce section of Walmart because we can't eat anything besides fruits/veggies/lean protein. 2) We are eating a LOT because we are hungry about every 2 hours since our food is digesting so quickly. As of 4/20 we are already over our grocery budget for the whole month and we still have 10 days to go!
Nothing is quick and easy for food prep. I got sick of raw veggies REALLY QUICK so I cook every veggie we eat and of course, any uncooked chicken/turkey/fish has to be cooked. On the other hand, this is giving my cookware a pretty good workout! My pots and pans never make it back into the cabinets because I use them so often.


Here is my meal worksheet for yesterday:

DAY 3

Breakfast

Protein: Scrambled eggs

probiotic serving: Strawberry Yogurt

Lunch

Protein or probiotic serving:   Stir fry chicken with lowfat soy sauce

Cleansing Vegetables:  Sauteed Zucchini with Garlic Salt (my FAVE!), broccoli, onions

Dinner

Protein Serving:     Grilled Baha Citrus Chicken

Cleansing Vegetables:   Mixed Green Salad 

Snacks

Fruit serving: Grapes

2^nd Fruit serving:      Orange

2^nd Probiotic serving:   Boston Cream Pie yogurt (fat free)

Other

Friendly fat serving:    Light Balsamic dressing for dinner

Friendly fat serving:    Olive Oil to sautee zucchini

As for results... I have lost 5 pounds in three days! Water weight maybe, but still 5 pounds less!

One Day Down...

16 more to go!
And the good news is, I am already 2.3 pounds lighter! Now I know that this is not actual fat loss, but hey, seeing that smaller number gives me a great incentive after my first day to stick with the strict diet!


Here is what I have learned so far:
1) Eating healthier makes you hungry quicker. I start to get hungry about every hour to hour and a half because I am not eating heavy, complex fats that take a long time to digest. This is both good and bad because I am eating much smaller portions but man am I eating a lot! If my schedule wasn't so flexible this could be a real problem because once you are hungry your resolve starts to soften and a drive-thru window starts to sound pretty incredible.
2) Drinking 64 ounces of water a day makes you pee A LOT. It really makes me happy to know that the only liquid I'm drinking is God made and FREE! But drinking this much of it means I go to the bathroom like 15 times a day (no joke). I know it's flushing out my system but it's a little annoying.
3) My junk food craving is worse at night. Normally, I start my day off with a coke and maybe a granola bar. Then for lunch I either eat leftovers, salad, fast food, lean pockets, or soup. I really don't eat much during the day because in the past my plan was to save up all my calories for dinner when I could eat the REALLY good stuff. This, of course, was a terrible idea because while I was up and moving around all day my body could be working off calories but instead I waited for my calorie overload when I was about to sit/sleep for the rest of the night. Needless to say, after years of this habit I am experiencing what I call "Phantom Hunger" around 8pm at night. I'm not actually hungry, I'm just used to being stuffed like a turkey at night.


Here is my meal worksheet for Day 1:

DAY 1

Breakfast

Protein or probiotic serving: Strawberry Yogurt (non-fat)

Fruit serving:         Strawberries 

Lunch

Protein or probiotic serving:    Grilled Chicken Salad

Cleansing Vegetables:    Lettuce, cucumber, carrots  

Dinner

Protein Serving:     Ground Chicken burgers

Cleansing Vegetables:   Steamed Broccoli, onion in burger

Snacks

2^nd Fruit serving:      Strawberries       

2^nd Probiotic serving:   Blackberry Yogurt (fat free)

Other

Friendly fat serving:    Light Balsamic dressing for lunch

Friendly fat serving:    A teaspoon of low fat steak sauce in burgers

Is it April Already?

I can't believe it's already April.

All your life years and seasons and months are measured in semesters and midterms and school years; but for the first time in my life, I am no longer in school this year. As I started student teaching in the fall of 2009, I thought that although my traditional schooling was over, I would still be on a "school schedule" as a teacher. As it turned out, God was calling me to do something besides teaching and now here I am, mixing up months and losing track of time like the rest of the world.

Anyway, here is what we are focusing on this month in the Autry household:

--Today we started a new diet called the 17 Day Diet. It's really more of a cleanse, which Garland and I could definitely both use. I try to exercise 2-3 days a week for 45 minutes and Garland plays basketball once a week, but we both definitely enjoy some unhealthy food. Ideally, On this diet there are four 17 day cycles, and we are on day 1 of cycle 1. Basically for this cycle you can have veggies, fruit, lean protein (chicken, tuna, fish, turkey), two servings of eggs a day, two servings of yogurt a day, 64 ounces of water, and fat free cheese and condiments. Other than that, most food is off limits (breads/grains, fats, dairy, sugar). I like this diet because at the root of it you can still eat a ton of food, so you're not starving yourself, you're just retraining your body what it should be craving. We will also be working out everyday for 17 minutes (kind of arbitrary, I'm sure they picked it to be catchy with the title of the diet instead of saying the boring old, 15-20 minutes) which will consist of walking and using my elliptical. 

One thing I am not a fan of is diets that get you to lose weight really quick but then you balloon back up once you get off. My goal is to lose 10-15 pounds with light working out and then when we transition into cycle 2 (the second 17 days which allows for some dairy, some whole grain bread/carbs, beans, a little sugar and a little fat) I will amp up my exercise a little more, this way by the time we're ready to indulge a little (which I plan on doing at some point) my body will be ready.  By eating whatever I want and working out 3 days a week I had plateaued my weight and kept myself from gaining any weight for about a year. The problem is that I plateaued at a weight that's about 10 pounds heavier than where I want to be. I am not trying to become some super think waif model, I just want to get back to a place I feel better about myself and keep it there.

So today was day one and I had strawberries for breakfast with 32 ounces of water and then salad for lunch with cucumber, carrots, and light balsamic dressing. For dinner I will be making some sort of grilled chicken concoction which should be pretty normal.

My BMI (Body Mass Index) is at 24.4 which falls in the healthy range (18-25), but I'm at the top end. My goal is to get down to 22.5-23, which is about 10-15 pounds.

More updates to come as the weight (hopefully) falls off!

Winter Blues? Or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

First of all, can we just talk about how it is either incredibly fitting or incredibly comical that the acronym for this winter depression is SAD? This can't be just a coincidence, some scientist out there thought this would be an awesome joke to pull on the American public and is snickering in their suspenders as we speak.
However, I can't help but feel like even though the name is a joke, the disorder is not. People really do get sad in the winter! I for one, am highly susceptible to the winter blues. I always get mopey, irritable, and antsy during the long, cold, winter months. I need my sunshine!
Think you might have it? Check out the article below.

What is seasonal affective disorder (SAD)?
Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, is a type of depression that affects a person during the same season each year. If you get depressed in the winter but feel much better in spring and summer, you may have SAD.
Anyone can get SAD, but it is more common in:
-People who live in areas where winter days are very short or there are big changes in the amount of daylight in different seasons.
-Women.
-People between the ages of 15 and 55. The risk of getting SAD for the first time goes down as you age.
-People who have a close relative with SAD.
What causes SAD?
Experts are not sure what causes SAD, but they think it may be caused by a lack of sunlight. Lack of light may upset your sleep-wake cycle and other circadian rhythms. And it may cause problems with a brain chemical called serotonin that affects mood.
What are the symptoms?
-If you have SAD, you may:
-Feel sad, grumpy, moody, or anxious.
-Lose interest in your usual activities.
-Eat more and crave carbohydrates, such as bread and pasta.
-Gain weight.
-Sleep more and feel drowsy during the daytime.
-Symptoms come and go at about the same time each year. For most people with SAD, symptoms start in September or October and end in April or May.
How is it treated?
Doctors often prescribe light therapy to treat SAD. There are two types of light therapy:
1) Bright light treatment. For this treatment, you sit in front of a "light box" for half an hour or longer, usually in the morning.
2) Dawn simulation. For this treatment, a dim light goes on in the morning while you sleep, and it gets brighter over time, like a sunrise.
Light therapy works well for most people with SAD, and it is easy to use. You may start to feel better within a week or so after you start light therapy. But you need to stick with it and use it every day until the season changes. If you don't, your depression could come back.

Source: http://www.webmd.com/depression/tc/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad-topic-overview

Hibernation

This strange phenomenon begins to take place when the cool weather comes in and my tan begins to fade: my body assumes I am a forest critter and therefore must put on extra layers of fat to keep me warm during the cold, Arkansas winter. Unfortunately, I am not a cute, cuddly critter and I still have to go out in public in my newly expanded body. When you're only 5'3'' eight pounds can make a difference (I really hate it when my face gets rounder!). Which brings me to my point, I have to get serious about working out again.

I thought about modifying my diet, but let's get serious, I LOVE EATING. I'm not saying I'm going to eat Chic-Fil-A everyday, I know better than that. I'm eating veggies and trying to limit sugar intake and fatty, greasy foods. However, I'm never going to be that girl that only eats ice cream once a month and never drinks a Coke and lives off of salmon and asparagus. So I'm forced to accept the fact that (as much as I HAAATTTEEEE IT) I will have to be working out on a (gasp!) daily-ish basis as opposed to my 2 days I usually do.

Now here's the sitch: I have a lot of excuses for not working out. They are as follows:
1) I hate working out.
2) I have asthma, and as nerdy as that makes me, I can't do straight running for more than like, 5 minutes (nor do I want to).
3) I have workout ADD, so I can't do the same thing for more than a few minutes.
4) I hate working out.
5) I am really not willing to dedicate much of my day to working out (I'm shooting for 20-25 minutes a day, 6 days a week).

So what to do  now? First of all, RUNNING IS OUT. I hate it, and because of my asthma I start wheezing in all that cold winter air and almost always end up with Bronchitis. When I was trying to get in shape for the wedding, I did p90x which was suuuuper intense and did the job. However, I was in college and getting ready to be stared at for an entire day, so I had the time and motivation to work out 90 minutes a day, 6 days a week. I can pretty safely say that I will probably never do the entire 90 day workout ever again, although sometimes I get on a kick and do a random session.
I also bought an elliptical about 2 years ago because there is one thing I can't give up while working out, and that is my DVR. If I don't have something to keep me distracted from the actual working out that is happening, then I'll quit after like 10 minutes. The elliptical solves this problem because I can watch all the TV I want while doing something semi-productive. The downfall of the elliptical is sometimes I catch myself running only slightly faster than a speed walk which is not very beneficial for losing weight (but better than sitting on the couch).
SOLUTION! I have been hearing great things about Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred workout video. It's only 20 minutes a day and combines strength training, cardio, and abs. I can also have it playing on my computer while I watch TV (bonus!). I tried the easy session yesterday (out of easy, medium, and hard) and it totally kicked my butt. I was breathing pretty hard, but not in a way that got my asthma going. It was great for my ADD because it does 3 minutes of strength training, followed by two minutes of cardio, followed by 1 minute of abs (repeat). The strength training combines dumbbell lifts with squats, thrusts, etc. so it doubles the workout. Cardio switches between things like butt kicks, jump rope, and jumping jacks. Abs were mostly variations of the traditional crunch. I am sore this morning in my legs, arms, and butt. Not much in the stomach area, but that could be partially due to the fact that anytime I would lay down Bosco came and sat on my stomach because he is codependent.

In summary, I am going to try to do the full 30 Day Shred and my goal is to lose 8-10 pounds! I plan on getting up every morning and following this schedule: quiet time, workout, breakfast, go to work. Today was day one and I stayed in bed, fail. Haha, I'll have to do it tonight after cell group instead. Day 2, here I come! Hopefully my comfy bed allows me to leave...

P.S. Until the weight loss begins, I have found a wonderful quick fix for distracting anyone who may begin to notice my body has moved into hibernation mode, and that is a fake tan! Based on a recommendation from my friend Lauren, I started using Bliss: A Tan for All Seasons self tanner and it is incredible! It doesn't leave lines or smears and it sprays on PURPLE so you can see exactly where you are rubbing it in. I applied it once and have had a glorious tan for 4 days now. Kudos to Bliss for making me feel like it's summer all year round!

P.P.S. For those of you who are thinking, "man, this girl needs to get her priorities straight! There's more important things in the world than body image..." I totally get that my body is the one that God gave me and that a) I will never be a tiny supermodel, and b) I will never have the body I had in high school again. And I'm absolutely okay with that! My husband loves my body and would never even notice a few extra pounds. However, I think we can all admit that we just FEEL better when we're consistently working out, even if we don't have the perfect body after doing so! So that's that :)