The First Two Weeks

We have officially made it through the first couple of weeks as a family of four! Garland was home the first week and my mom came to visit the second week, and it was SO nice to have help! Around the 7 day mark I noticed my Postpartum Depression (PPD) symptoms returning (heart racing when I tried to sleep, loss of appetite, uncontrollable crying, inability to make decisions....) which was really disappointing. I knew it was a possibility (women who've had PPD previously have a 50% chance of getting it again as compared to 15% of all women) but I really thought because I knew what to do with a newborn it wouldn't happen this time. Unfortunately, because it is a chemical reaction in your brain, no amount of preparedness can keep your body from responding the way it wants to. It really is the strangest experience (you can read my blog entries on how it effected me with Titus here, here and here). The first few days I was euphoric about having Haddie, then a couple of days of sporadic crying fits, then uncontrollable crying most of the day. I knew I wasn't worried about her and that things would be fine, but I couldn't make my brain believe me. I would have thoughts like, "We weren't ready for another baby, this was a terrible idea!" But all the while I would know that was irrational and didn't really feel that way. Luckily because I knew the signs and symptoms it was easier to rationalize with myself and not let the feelings take over. I just had to remind myself over and over that these were not my true thoughts and they would soon go away.

Since we caught it so much earlier this time (I didn't realize I had it with Titus until 5/6 weeks) it's been easier to manage and control. My biggest anxiety trigger had been the thought of being alone with both kids, but after talking to my doctor and starting back on my PPD medicine, I didn't feel anxious at all about being home alone for the first time today. Praise God for that!

So that's the update on momma, here is a quick review of the first two weeks of Haddie's life and what I've learned about our baby girl so far:

-You came home in premie diapers (you were 6lb even when we left the hospital) and newborn clothes swallowed you. You're now in NB diapers and are up to 7.5lbs so your NB clothes look more your size.

-You typically go 3-4 hours between feedings just like your brother did, but unlike with him, I don't panic about you not waking up to eat or not gaining weight :) You also eat quicker (about 20 minutes, he did 45) and more aggressively.

-You already do a 5-6 hour stretch at night which I know is saving my sanity during the day (brother did this too, but not quite this early).

-You sleep swaddled at night time and sleep in the rock n play. Your newborn sleeping noises kept me awake so we moved you to the nursery a little after a week, now we're both sleeping much better!

-You sleep unswaddled during the day and really like sleeping in the swing, but propped up on your side. You've also napped in your crib (on your side) and in the rock n play, and of course on mommy's chest :)

-The only thing that's been difficult about you so far is that you do not fall asleep on your own (Titus used to just doze off in the swing or rock n play). You don't want to miss anything going on around you, so it's not unheard of for you to stay awake for 2 hours unless we intentionally help you fall asleep (pacifier and swaying/patting). You don't even usually cry when you're awake that long, you just hang out and look around! But it is much more difficult to coax you to sleep once you are overtired.

-If I put you flat on your back after a feeding you spit everything up and get awful hiccups. Hoping you don't end up with reflux like your brother! You did have some gas issues but now you get gas drops before each feeding and that seemed to help for the most part. But you don't mind diaper changes, not even in the middle of the night!

-You don't love your car seat and it doesn't put you to sleep, but you just sit in it content and look around.

-You love your paci which is a new experience for us since Titus didn't take one! You use it to fall asleep for naps a lot of times, but spit it out when you sleep (which is great since I don't have to put it back in when it falls out!).

Overall, you have been an incredibly easy baby! Which is a Godsend since transitioning from one kid to two has been challenging. We are so thankful for you and your full head of red hair! I can't wait to see you smile for the first time and listen to what your baby noises will sound like. Fingers crossed you stay laid back and make things easy for momma. We love you to the moon and back, sweet girl!

 Titus came to visit and didn't care about the baby at all. He just wanted to sit with mommy and watch "Joge" (Curious George). I loved his sweet cuddles!

 He likes to give her high fives and point out her hands, feet, hair, etc...

 Birthday trampoline!

Birth Story: Haddie Mae!

Starting around 34 weeks I had become incredibly uncomfortable because Haddie was breech and completely in my ribs. I couldn't sleep on my back or side so I was forced to sleep sitting up in the living room. I had rib pain at all hours of the day and constantly felt like she had no room left. Luckily, she turned at 37 weeks and dropped a little, so I because immensely more comfortable. Unfortunately, I also had a feeling this could mean I'd actually go all the way to 49 weeks this time. Thirty-seven weeks came and went and while I was regularly having contractions, but they were never close enough together or painful enough to time them. Everyone kept joking that she was waiting to be born on Titus' birthday, which was the 10th and very possible. His birthday rolled around and I was 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Garland asked me like he did every day if I was having contractions or thought today could be the day. I'd actually had no contractions even though I'd run a ton of errands and been to the chiropractor, so our sweet boy got to keep his special day to himself.
But lo and behold, at 12:30am (30 minutes after Titus' birthday ended) I woke up to a very pretty strong contraction. I immediately thought it could be something significant because I'd never had a Braxton-Hicks contraction that was painful enough to wake me up at night. Even though they were pretty close together, the pain was manageable, so I tried to go back to sleep. After 30 minutes I realized that would be impossible and started timing them: 4 minutes apart. I decided to take a shower in case it was the real deal and they started getting pretty painful at that point (1:30ish), but still not so bad I couldn't breathe or talk through them. I woke Garland up and told him what was happening and then told him to go back to sleep while I timed them and bounced on the exercise ball (which he did, because on the second child you do things like that, I'm realizing).
After another hour they were 3-4 minutes apart and hard to talk during so we called for Tito backup at 3:00am. Arrived in the ER at 3:45, checked in at 2cm and 60%, told to be monitored for an hour to check for progression. The contractions started getting pretty awful, but standing and rocking made them more manageable. An hour later (4:45) I was shocked to be at a 4 and 80%; we were having this baby!
At this point my doctor walks in, which is so great that he was on call that night! Not so great... He tells me has had to leave by 8:00am to get to Dallas. It's 5:00am so I am disheartened that I probably won't deliver by then, but he thinks I may do it.
Then we entered the most intense part, the epidural waiting game. I'm transferred to a room and getting my IV and everything set up and they're waiting on some lab result so I can get my epidural. I'm at a 6 and having to breathe deeply and rock through every contraction, every 3 minutes at this point. Got my epidural at 6:00 but it only took on my right side. They prop me up on my left side and give me an extra dose, it helps some, but I'm still having pretty intense back labor on my left side. Checked at 6:30am and I'm at a 7. Dr. Mason assures me he thinks I will have this baby by 8 and Garland and I exchange shocked glances. Titus' birth was 16 hours and that was even encouraged with Pitocin for the last 9 hours!
I have to breathe through each contraction even though I have the epidural, but they're manageable. The good part about not being completely numb was I started feeling pressure and knew I was getting close. By 7:30am I was at a 9, by 7:45 at a 10 and ready to push!
Since I passed out several times pushing with Titus, I instructed Garland to count out loud during pushes and poke me in the face if he had to, anything to keep me present if it happens again. On the second push, boom, I'm out like a light. The nurses get out oxygen and smelling swabs for me to breath into (think hand sanitizing wipe) and that is surprisingly helpful. Because my epidural wasn't working all the way I was feeling the contractions which was not good, but I could also feel the pressure to push, which was very helpful (with Titus I couldn't feel anything). After 9 minutes and a couple more rounds of passing out, Haddie Mae came into the world at 6 pounds 9 ounces and 19.5 inches long. It was absolutely just as cool as it was the first time I delivered, although slightly more shocking since I was only in the hospital for 3 hours before she was born. Best of all? She was born at 7:58, two minutes before my doctor needed to leave for Dallas :)

We stayed in the hospital for 48 hours (I failed the Strep B screening and my labor wasn't long enough for HM to get all the antibiotics. They wanted to keep her for observation but everyone checked out fine) and she's been a super easy baby so far!

More to come on her first weeks home in another post!

Titus' 2nd Birthday Party

My friend Heather and I delivered our baby boys 4 days apart, and after both throwing huge blowout parties last year, we learned the error of our ways and just threw one party this year to celebrate both boys. We also realized that rather than dirty either of our houses we should just do it outside at their favorite playground and call it a day.. Since Brooks and Titus both like Curious George, it was an easy selection for our party theme!

Titus started out cranky because he had to be woken up from his nap early, but also because (surprisingly, given who his parents are) he does not like crowds or lots of people talking or staring at him. But once Garland took him out to the open field to throw the ball around and he ate four pickles, he was ready to party :)

 Both birthday boys liked to pick off the sprinkles more than eat the cake

24 Months (2 years!)

Dear Titus,
At 24 months...

• You weigh 25 pounds.
• You wear size 4 diapers and 18 or 18-24 month clothes (18 month pants)
• You sleep from about 9 to 7:30and take one nap from about 2:00-3:30/4:00.
• You are getting in your 2 year molars and they are a PAIN. Definitely the worst teething set yet!
• You still love letters and numbers and when you get excited you will yell "TEN!" or "EIGHTEEN!" which are your favorite numbers.
• You have started saying a lot more vocabulary words! My favorite things you say right now are
• "Wherego?" (Where'd it go? You put your hands in the air and ask this anytime you throw a ball or toy somewhere)
• "Ass-sauce" (applesauce)
• "Hep" (help)
• You still have trouble expressing yourself when you are really upset or want something, which is frustrating for everyone involved. But I'm sure you will pick it up before too long!
• You are obsessed with your chalkboard doors in your bedroom. You want us to go back there and draw on them all day, mostly the alphabet, of course.
• My favorite thing you do right now is dance to daddy's record player (you love CCR)
• You want daddy to chase you all the time and you STILL giggle like an old man
• Your favorite toys right now your ball pit (a slide into a blow up pool filled with plastic balls), tee-ball set, basketball goal, and alphabet games/magnets.
• Your favorite show is probably Curious George. You also like Dinosaur Train, Super Why (it's about letters and reading), Bubble Guppies, and Sesame Street.
• You still don't love vegetables, but you will eat pickles like there's no tomorrow. Other foods you love are mac n' cheese, pizza, yogurt, applesauce, blueberries, blackberries, watermelon, oranges, bananas, waffle with peanut butter, PB&J, and Thai/chinese food.
• You still love bath time, but you HATE getting your hair washed. We have to save it for the end because you freak out and try to climb out.
• You are entering into your "terrible twos" and boy they are not kidding about them being terrible. You throw a fit when you have to share toys, if something doesn't work the first time you try it you FREAK OUT like it's the end of the world, and when you don't want to do something (saying "please" or "help") you will throw a fit for 10 minutes and not think twice about it.
• You have started understanding when I tell you we're going to play with your friends. You repeat their names "Gooks" (Brooks) and "Gah-son" (Garrison).
• You're number one request every day is "Outside?" We are BOTH ready for it to be consistently warm so we can just hang out in the backyard! You are getting a trampoline for your birthday and you may never come back inside ;)
• You are obsessed with the moon. Anytime it's getting close to dark outside you want to look for it and ask about it. You are also obsessed with airplanes and look for those when we are outside!
• You are strangely, and wonderfully empathetic for a two year old. If you throw a toy and it hits me (or you hit me on purpose because you're mad) I will say, "Owie! That hurt mommy." And you immediately tear up and run to give me a big hug. You have also hugged and held me a lot when I've had weird hormonal outbursts during this pregnancy. Not to mention when other kids or a baby is crying you make sure to alert me and give them hugs too!

Bubba, I love you so much. Honestly, most of my hormonal breakdowns during this pregnancy have been about you. I get so sad sometimes thinking about having to share my time with you with someone else. The thought of not being able to give you limitless hugs or cuddles or attention just makes me feel lost. I know it is going to be so good for you to have a sibling for this very reason, so you don't become the center of our universe and think that you run the world. But I also know this could be a hard transition for you, and as your mommy, all I ever want in this world is to protect you from hurting, ever. So the thought of you hurting because of a decision we made just breaks my heart. But I know this is just the hormones talking and you are going to love having a sister, you already love holding our friends' babies and giving them tiny high fives (even though they're sleeping and don't know it's happening). And you are so sweet with your cousin Madeline, you love to lay down beside her belly and give her tiny kisses. We are so proud of the little man you are becoming and we pray for you constantly that you will continue to grow in the characteristics of the Lord. Love you to the moon and back, buddy.

With your best buddy and neighbor, Brooks

Meeting your cousin, Madeline!

Always playing basketball, even when you brush!

Third Trimester

Pregnancy Update

How far along?  36 weeks

Total weight gain: 27lbs
Maternity clothes? Even those are starting to get tight. And my trusty maternity tights are making my belly itch! I'm basically living in yoga pants and maxi dresses at this point
Sleep: Ugh, the worst part right now. Because of the way Haddie is laying, it KILLS my back to lay flat for more than about an hour. So I've had to move to the couch so I can sleep sitting up. It's relatively comfortable, but I really miss my bed!
Best moment this week: We've had a couple "Sprinkles" with friends and family the last couple of weeks that have been really sweet. Haddie's room is finally finished and all her clothes (and headbands, I bought way too many) are all just waiting for her to wear them!
Miss Anything? Everything. I don't remember being so over pregnancy at this point with Titus, ha! I miss sleeping well and not having to pee constantly and most importantly, I miss my baby boy being able to snuggle on my chest and not squish my belly.
Movement: A lot more rolling than kicking now. And a lot of movement in my ribs, that's been pretty uncomfortable.
Food cravings: Mexican food! Same thing with Titus: craved it the first few weeks, couldn't stand it for most of my pregnancy, craving it again my last few weeks. And still Nutty Bars, of course ;)
Anything making you queasy or sick: Dirty diapers make me feel a little nauseous. Or throwing out old food that can't be eaten, I've actually thrown out a couple things of tupperware leftovers because the thought of washing out the old food made me feel sick
Gender: Definitely a girl! We did a 3D ultrasound around 28 weeks and the tech said she is most assuredly a she :)
Labor Signs: So different this time around! With Titus I couldn't really tell if I was ever having Braxton-Hicks, I would only ever feel an occasional tightening. Then my water broke at 37 weeks and we were very surprised! This time around I've been feeling the tightening contractions since about 26/28 weeks and since about 33 I've been having some painful ones. I now average probably 3ish an hour and they make me feel short of breath and like I really have to pee. I'm kind of excited thinking about going into labor and counting contractions instead of just having my water break. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I just want to experience it both ways!
Symptoms: No heartburn this time around, thank goodness! Wonder if that means Haddie will be bald... Also not having to pee as often as I did with Titus, but that's because Haddie is transverse breach right now (sideways) so her head is not down yet to push on my bladder.
Belly Button in or out? Out
Wedding rings on or off? on-no major swelling yet
Happy or Moody most of the time: Mostly just tired. Which makes me moody, but not because of hormones necessarily
Looking forward to: Haddie flipping head down! We are praying that our sweet girl can turn down on her own. I'm currently doing some exercises at home and going to the chiropractor to try and get her to move head down. If she doesn't move by next week, we will have to do a special procedure where the doctor tries to turn her, and if none of these things work, we may end up having a c-section. But Garland frequently reminds me that the most important thing is that's she's born safe even if it's not the birth plan I imagined, and he is so right!

Here are some pictures from this trimester:

30 WEEKS

32 WEEKS

Left with Titus, right with Haddie

 33 WEEKS

 36 WEEKS