Saying Goodbye

Dear First House,
You have been a wonderful place to call home. We moved in with two cars full of boxes and a bed, but slowly we filled you with refurbished furniture that we bought at thrift stores because we were poor newlyweds.


You were the house we came home to after our honeymoon and had the perfect place for every wedding present we received.

You were the place we brought home our first addition to the family one month after getting married, our puppy Bosco. And you were the place we brought his sister home to a year later when Lucy joined the clan. You have welcomed their slobber, muddy foot prints, many accidents, and lots of fur.

You were the place we had countless cell groups and leader meetings, a place where students felt loved and welcomed. No one cared how small you were, what you lacked in size you made up for in coziness and comfort.


You were the guinea pig for MANY Garland Autry home improvement projects, and although not all were done perfectly, they were all done in love.

Most importantly, first house, you were the place we brought home our greatest blessing, Titus James. He will never remember living here or what you were like, but I will never forget coming home with that six pound bundle and looking around your rooms in awe of how everything could look exactly the same and yet never be the same again. I will never forget the hours I spent holding him in the living room, sitting with him on the back patio watching Garland play with the dogs, and the thousands of kisses I gave him in his first nursery as I rocked him to sleep.

Even though you are just a "thing" and I place my treasure in my salvation, I know that God gave us the blessing of our first home to grow our marriage and fill our hearts with joy. So goodbye, 4058 Foxborow Drive, you will always hold a special place in our hearts :)

Cards for Liam

So my sweet friend Amy commissioned me to make some cards for an organization that she and her husband have started in honor of their precious little boy, Liam. They are such a wonderful family and I am so proud of her for all that they have been through over the past year as Liam was diagnosed with Albinism. If you would like to read more about Liam's story or see how you can support children like Liam, you can check out Amy's blog here.

For now, here are the cards I made for Amy!

3 Months!

We made it to the 3 month mark! Somehow it seems like it has flown by but has also moved extremely slow. Titus is definitely getting more of a personality during his wake time and it is so fun! I feel like the most difficult part of this month has been his ever changing schedule. He has moved out of the "newborn" phase and is starting to show some daily patterns, but just when he seems to be getting into a routine he decides he doesn't like that schedule anymore and throws me completely off! It's been a trip for sure :)

Dear Titus,
At 3 months...

• You weigh about 12.5 pounds
• You eat 4-5 oz of pumped breast milk if given a bottle and nurse for 30-40 minutes every 3 hours (sometimes 4 if you get a good nap)
• You almost always poop when you're eating and make the funniest face like "that wasn't me"
• You go to bed around 8-8:30 and sleep til around 5 where you'll wake up and eat for 30ish minutes. Sometimes you go back to bed right away, sometimes you squirm around and I have to give you your pacifier a few different times. You usually get up for the day around 7-7:30.
• You wear size 1 diapers and some 0-3 month clothes (they're still a little baggy, but I'm impatient! They're all really cute)
• You HATE taking naps, it's like you don't want to miss out on anything even when you're exhausted! "Nap time" is around 10am and 2pm everyday with a catnap around 5ish, but most of the time you fight going to sleep unless I hold you. Good thing you're so darn cute or I might lose it!
• Anytime you are on your tummy you roll over to your back. You hate tummy time! But at least it's gotten you really good at rolling :)
• You have little to no interest in toys, you would much rather lay on the floor and watch people or the ceiling fan
• You tried formula for the first time and made a really funny face! But you ate it and didn't have any problems, so that's good!
• You smile and giggle a lot. You love when I sing "itsy bitsy spider" or the song from the bandaid commercials (I am stuck on bandaid brand...). Anytime someone sits down and talks to you it usually makes you laugh, I think you got such a joyful spirit from your daddy!
• You sit up in your bumbo like a big boy
• You still sleep in your rock n'play because of your reflux, but we just moved you up to two doses of Prevacid a day instead of 1 (now 15mg total), so hopefully that will keep you feeling good.
• Still hate getting in your car seat but can handle it about 50% of the time if we are actually moving.
• And you make the cutest cutest CUTEST little sighs and coos. I melt every time I hear you make one of those happy sounds!

Mommy and daddy love you very much, even when you are being so high-maintenance! But you can grow out of it anytime you're ready, I won't be upset ;) You are precious to us, sweet boy!

Communicating with a Tiny Human

Trying to figure out what a baby needs is probably one of the top 5 hardest and most frustrating things I've ever done. There is literally no way to know what he wants most of the time! A lot of moms have told me that you begin to tell the difference between their cries (hunger, tired, cold, hurting, etc.) but I'm not very good at it. I definitely know the difference between his fussy/whiny cry and his true "I need something" cry. The problem is, at this point all his needs sound the same to me.

Cue the disaster week.

For the past 7-10 days Titus has gotten continually fussier and fussier, especially as we got closer to bedtime. He always seemed tired yet I could never get him to go to sleep during the day so I was trying really hard to get him to nap better. This was pretty unsuccessful and lead to a very tired and frustrated momma and baby. We tried all kinds of things-swaddling, white noise, putting him down asleep, putting him down awake but drowsy, with and without paci, nursing to sleep, allowing him to cry for a few minutes... UGH EVERYTHING! Even when I held him (which normally conks him out) he would wake up after only 30ish minutes and be crying and cranky. His eyes would be red and he would yawn and cry and so I would keep trying to get him to go back to sleep, thinking he just needed to get some extra rest.

This brings us to yesterday. Titus basically fussed all day after his morning feeding and unsuccessful nap. We went to Simon and Adriane's for lunch and Titus fussed and refused to sleep. I left early to take him home and try to get him to nap and he slept for only an hour before waking up crying again. Garland and I were going to go out to dinner that night but Titus was so upset and overtired that we just looked at each other like, what are we going to do with this child?!

Here's where the crying cues come in. That night I was breastfeeding Titus before bed and noticed he kept pulling off and wiggling around. I finally realized, maybe he's hungry... OKAY! So you may be wondering, HOW DID YOU MISS THAT HE WAS HUNGRY?! But I swear, it was really confusing. Titus has always gained weight really well, started stretching out to 3-4 hours between daytime feedings, eating for 40 minutes each feeding, sleeping a 7-8 hour stretch at night, having the required wet and soiled diapers a day... So I thought that was at least one thing I could eliminate! Turns out I was wrong. After Titus finished his 40 minute feeding that night I gave him a bottle of pumped breast milk and he ate the whole 5 ounces! He went out right after that and was asleep from 8-5:30am.

So today I offered him a pumped bottle after each feeding to see if he was hungry and he would eat 2-3 ounces each time. He laid down for his naps awake and fell asleep for hours at a time with absolutely no crying. During his wake time he was completely happy and interactive, and when we got in the car, which he normally cries during, he just sat in the back and coo'd and fell asleep on his own. WHAT?! Who is this child?! We even got to go out to eat with my family and he just sat there and stared at the lights and smiled the whole time.

So here I am, feeling awful because my poor little boy was hungry and I had no idea. But I'm glad I finally realized what it takes to make him a happy camper! I'm not sure where we'll go from here, I don't get very much when I pump but I'm going to start some natural supplements to help increase my supply. We may continue this hybrid version of breastfeeding and using some formula or eventually forego breastfeeding altogether. As much as I enjoy the perks of breastfeeding (money saver and closeness to T) I want to do whatever it takes to enjoy my experience raising Titus to the upmost. All I know is that a happy momma leads to a happy baby!

More on this topic to come...

Thankful for the Bad Stuff?

What a weird concept, being thankful for bad things happening. I had a great reminder of why we need to do this in my (extremely well timed) devotional this morning.

"Thank me for the very things that are troubling you. You are on the brink of rebellion, precariously close to shaking your fist in My Face. You are tempted to indulge in just a little complaining about my treatment of you. But once you step over that line, torrents of rage and self-pity can sweep you away. The best protection against this indulgence is thanksgiving. It is impossible to thank Me and curse Me at the same time.
Thanking Me for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first. But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart. Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows all your problems."

This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Ever since I had Titus there are moments where I find myself wallowing in self-pity over various things. Today was about to be one of those days until I read this! So as difficult as it might be, I am going to be thankful for the good AND the bad.

• I am thankful for my son. I am thankful that he is healthy and at home when many babies are in the hospital or even gone to be with you.
• I am thankful that you have made his reflux better, even if he still has trouble from time to time.
• I am thankful that he is a good sleeper at night. 
• I am thankful that he is asleep right now in his nursery for a nap for the first time in a very long time! Even if this doesn't continue to happen always, I am thankful that you have let it happen sometimes. I am thankful that you are giving my sweet baby peace right now and that he is resting in your arms when he can't rest in mine.
• I am thankful for each smile and giggle that you bless me with. I understand now why Jesus always wanted to be with the little children when he was on earth; I truly feel the joy of the Lord when my chubby little boy smiles up at me.
• I am thankful for a husband that provides even when that job requires him to have a pretty hectic schedule. I am thankful that you gave Titus a daddy that WANTS to be a daddy and enjoys spending time with him.
• I am thankful that you have given me the opportunity to stay home and start a ministry with my son. A lot of times I miss my job and wish that I were still working, but I know that the fruit of my new ministry will be fulfilling and I praise you for that.
• I am thankful for lots of love and support from family and friends as transitioned to this new season of life. Sometimes all it takes is a little reassurance from people who have already been through it to know I will make it through, too.
• I am thankful for your promise to never leave me. Even on the days where I hardly get any sleep or Titus is fussy or Garland is gone and I'm missing him, you are always right there with me. You love me indefinitely and you have given me many more blessings than I deserve.

⁴  Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. ⁶  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:4-6

This Magic Moment

I was having a discussion with my friend Stephanie the other day about when salvation happens. You've got two options:
1) Salvation happens the moment you believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins and you repent of your sins.
2) Salvation happens when you begin walking with Christ and living your life for him.

Both Stephanie and I leaned toward option 1, belief is all that is required for salvation. John 3:16 doesn't say "If you are a solid bro and do a daily devotional and serve the poor and pray all the time then you're saved." But one question that I couldn't get past for option 1 was can you believe in the gospel story yet never live it out and still be saved? It would seem possible, since all around the world (and especially in America) there are people who claim Christianity and would even say they believe Jesus was the son of God who died for us, yet they live for themselves and bear no fruit of redemption.
Which lead to a second question, If you never live it out and don't have an actual relationship with the Lord, are you still saved? My answer to this question is this: I don't really think option 1 or 2 is wholly correct, because I don't think you can truly understand the gospel and NOT have a relationship with Christ. At the point that you feel the full weight of what Christ has done for you, his grace becomes irresistible. 

Take myself as a case study. I grew up in a Christian home and got baptized at the age of 8. I would say that I knew the story of Jesus dying on the cross and I really believed it. I never once doubted that Jesus was who he said he was and did what he said he did. I followed all the rules of the bible and that was my religion, the rules. But this was based on fear; fear of getting in trouble, fear of having a bad reputation, etc., instead of what it should have been based on: The need to walk in the way of the Lord because I loved him so much I couldn't help but want to be more like him.

For me, I would say I became a Christian at the age of 8 when I first believed, but my process of sanctification (becoming more like Christ) didn't really start until I was going to college. I vividly remember being at a night of worship and hearing a song that finally made me realize the most important thing about being a Christian. Not following rules like I'd always thought, but realizing the weight of my sin and how much it cost Jesus to take it on. I broke. I literally knelt on the floor surrounded by hundreds of people and sobbed and just THANKED HIM for ever thinking I could be worth his Son's death. I don't know why God chose that moment to show me how much I had been living for myself, but I am thankful he revealed to me just how imperfect I really am so that I could begin having an honest relationship with him.

Here's the song, I will never forget the words as long as I live.

Beloved

Lord it was You, 

You created the heavens.

And Lord, it was Your hands

That put the stars in their place.

Lord, it was Your voice

That commands the morning.

'Cause even oceans and their waves bow at your feet, O Lord.

Lord, who am I

Compared to Your glory?

Lord, who am I

Compared to Your majesty?

Lord it was You, 

You created the heavens.

And Lord, it was Your hands

That put the stars in their place.

Lord, it was Your voice

That commands the morning.

'Cause even oceans and their waves bow at your feet, O Lord.

'Cause I'm your beloved, 

Your creation, 

And You love me as I am.

You've called me, chosen

For Your kingdom.

Unashamed to call me your own-

I'm your beloved.

Maternity Pics: Better Late than Never!

So I may not be pregnant anymore, but I couldn't miss the chance to share with you the beautiful maternity pictures that Brooke Robinson took for us! She is an unbelievably wonderful woman and a great photographer to boot! You can check out her other photos at brookerobinson.com. Enjoy!