9 months

Dear Titus,
At 9 months...

• You weigh about 20 pounds
• You are wearing 9-12 month clothes (pants are still long) and size 3 diapers
• You sleep from 7:30-7:30 (12 hours), and only take 2 naps now (10:30 and 2:30)
• You have what I like to call the "Egor Shuffle" going on where you army crawl and only pull one leg behind you. You will get up and rock on your knees but you haven't figured out how to move your knees to crawl yet. Soon buddy, soon!
• Your favorite toy right now is any cords you can get your hands on. Lamps, phone chargers, anything.
• You officially have 2 teeth! It took you about 3-4 weeks for them to break the surface and you were a little more cranky than usual, but not as bad as it could have been!
• You got bronchitis twice this month and it has been pretty terrible! Breathing treatments, steroids, inhalers, antibiotics... You've had a little bit of everything. Hopefully we're seeing the last of your sickness!
• You have started "singing" along with us in the car, it's adorable!
• We had your first Christmas! It's fair to say your favorite present was the tissue paper we wrapped gifts with, haha.
• You got your first bruise! It was little and I think I was the only one who could see it, but it was still so sad.
• You've started chewing/sucking on some real food! You love pickles, toast, and crackers. You still don't chew very well, though, so we have to watch you very closely.
• You wave back at us!
• You finally want to hold your bottle (sometimes).
• You make a lot more sounds than just dada now, including the n sound, y, j, m, and b.
• We've introduced the sippy cup as well as water, neither if which you care very much for.

Happy New Year, buddy! In 2012 you enjoyed your first Razorback tailgating, Halloween, Fall Retreat, Thanksgiving, Christmas, going to the nursery for the first time, falling in love with the swing, lots of milestones, and plenty of new experiences! I am so excited to see what 2013 holds for you as you start crawling for real and then eventually walking (yikes). We are going to go to the beach, and have your first birthday, and hopefully not get sick anymore. We love you so much, little man. We sit around watching you all night and day because you are so funny. Everyday is something new with you and we just try to keep up! Love you to the moon and back.

Rushing, Rushing, Rushing

When you have a baby everything gets a little more complicated. Grocery trips become extravaganzas, simple errands like running to the Post Office can turn into a disaster with the click of a car seat buckle, and don't even get me STARTED on going out to dinner! None of that to say that it's necessarily a bad thing or that I would even change it, but I do find that I feel like I'm rushing every second of the day. During his nap time I rush to clean/craft/read/nap/do laundry, when he's awake we have to rush and get errands done before his limited patience for the car seat runs out, when we go on a play date we have to rush there and back to make sure we make it between naps, when we go out to dinner I rush to get everything packed and get Titus in the car and (hopefully) make it there on time, and then rush back home before bedtime. When we finally get settled in to put him to bed, I often times find myself rushing to put him down for the night because I feel like I have a billion more things to accomplish before crashing and starting all over. And lets be honest, sometimes I'm just ready for a little adult time.

But here's the thing. I've been missing it.

Tonight when I was putting Titus down he pushed the bottle out and I could feel that it was almost empty and I thought to myself, "Alright, this means I've only got a couple minutes left in here then I can finish working on my Etsy order before Garland gets home." I had the choice to put him down awake (like I usually do and like he prefers) or rock him for a minute longer. I started to put the bottle down and get ready to stand up when he reached up and put his hand on my heart. I'm not kidding, my sweet kiddo reached his tiny fist up and put his open palm right on my chest.

When I felt him touch me it was like all the air in the room stood still and I didn't feel like rushing anymore. I didn't feel like rushing because I couldn't help but think of Amy Hill and wonder if she ever rushed through day-to-day stuff with Tucker like I do with Titus. The thing is, this is normal, this is life. We are taught to be efficient, to make the most of every second of the day, and above all, never miss out on a moment of productivity. I'm sure Amy, like most moms to toddlers, had to multi-task to get everything done each day, and probably, like me, had a lot of nights where she was checking bedtime off a long list of to-do's.

But Tucker died last year in his sleep and no one knows why, and all I could think about as I held my baby boy was, "I bet Amy would give anything to go back and not rush through rocking Tucker to sleep."
So I tried to take it all in.

The sound of his breath getting deeper as he drifts into sleep.
His short fingers raised in the dark, trying to find my face so he knows I'm still here.
The way his body curves up against mine and his head rests in the crook of my arm like we are two puzzle pieces that were made to fit together.
His tiny feet rubbing against each other as he always does when he's nodding off to sleep.
The feel of his eyelashes tickling my cheek as I bend down close to kiss his chubby cheek.
The deep sigh that comes from his little chest that signifies his sense of comfort in my arms.
The feel of his soft baby hair brushing against my forehead when I lay my head close to his.

We are promised nothing here on this earth. Titus may live to be 100, he may be taken away tomorrow, or Jesus may come back before either of us die. All we know in this world is that nothing is promised to us beyond this moment. For me, that was holding my little boy for a few minutes longer as he drifted off into sweet dreams. Tonight I encourage you to stop rushing and really revel in whatever is happening in yours.